so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize