I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
