Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
