There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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