He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He better not be in your backpack
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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