meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
