I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
