I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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