She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
