Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize