Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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