she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He shit in the fireplace
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