Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
