Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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