We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
