I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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