Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
