Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize