Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
