Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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