There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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