it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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