Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
