vagina is talking i cant
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
