Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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