I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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