I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
