I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
