you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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