Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
no you cant smoke seaweed
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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