Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
