i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
