i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
