Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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