it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
