Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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