mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
