thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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