Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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