I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
