so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
