Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
