Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
