3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
