i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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