I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
its not stalking. its research.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize