Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
