i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
