you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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