I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
