There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Mom said you looked used
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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