your parents love me but you hate me
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Fuck me I smell like cheese
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
