why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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