I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize