Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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