We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
