i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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