two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
