apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
