Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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