Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
