Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
