somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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