the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
