Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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