i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
