he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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