Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
