She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
