I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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