you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
