sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize