Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
