halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
