Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
