I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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