i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
