I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
