I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
