So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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