I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
There's always time for handjobs
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
