I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
