i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize