I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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