I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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