Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
