The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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