Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
