; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize