she woke up with a sticky ear
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
These tits shall not be calmed
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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