Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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