He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
