Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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