She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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