I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
