Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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