32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
